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Equipping the Saints to Counsel - Lesson 3

by Dr. Ray Self

Self Judgment

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Self Judgment

1 Peter 3:3-4 - Let not yours be the outward adorning with braiding of hair, decoration of gold, and wearing of fine clothing, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable jewel of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. (RSV)

We have lived under the false judgments of others and self for so long that we have come to believe that is who we are.

We do not see that we are new creations in Christ with limitless possibilities in Him.
When we accept false judgments we can lose our destiny.
The loss of destiny and purpose leads to a life of frustration and disappointment.

When circumstances change, if a person does not have a strong perception of who he is, then he will change his personality with the ever changing circumstances.

Changing externally will not necessarily change the internal.
A person becomes who he believes he is. Proverbs 23:7 tells us, “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.”

Everyone lives out of self-perception.

We have been trained and conditioned to be externalists.

We try to make ourselves feel better about ourselves by adjusting the outside.
God is instructing us to adorn our hearts with Him and His beauty and surrender to Him in order to change the inside.

The question is, “Do you want people to know you for who you are or for how you look and what you do”

We must know ourselves for who we are according to God.
Our true selves are defined by our hearts.

Beauty - External beauty is not to be rejected; it is just to be put in proper perspective.

Acquiring inner beauty is not a process of acquiring something we do not have.

Inner beauty comes by yielding to that which is in us.
True beauty and quality can only be found in Jesus.

We need to learn how to look within our hearts and discover the beauty of our true selves.

Satan attacked Jesus’ identity. Matthew 4:3 says, “And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread.”

Satan wanted Jesus to prove who He was by works.
Jesus knew the source of His identity. Matthew 4:4 - But he answered and said, It is written . . .
Jesus knew that what God had spoken was all the proof He needed.
What God has spoken is all the proof we need.

Our new nature will produce good works. James 2:17 - So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.

When we judge ourselves by performance we will falter when our works do not prove who we are.

If works prove our identity then we can exalt our own righteousness!
Romans 3:10 says, "There is none righteous, not even one."

Without renewed minds we will still see ourselves the same way we did before we were saved.

Most people are afraid of what they will find within their own hearts.

Our bad perceptions keep the real person of the heart hidden.

What most people see in their own heart is a distorted, hidden view of their old nature.
This is contrary to the word of God and is not the new creation.

We do not have to become new. We have to get our thinking straight on who we truly are already. Ephesians 4:24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

The new man has already been created.
We are to put on what has already been given to us.

We are new on the inside.

We may think we are not new because of behavioral problems.
Behavioral problems result from not understanding our new creation.
Behavior is only a symptom. A lack of knowledge is the real problem!

2 Peter 1:3 - . . . seeing that his divine power hath granted unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that called us by his own glory and virtue.

Living the godly life comes through knowledge.
Knowledge is more than hearing information.
True knowledge is when the information is fully retained, remembered, and becomes an active part of us.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

When we seek this truth and reality with all of our hearts we will find it.
Revelation of the new causes a forgetting of the old.

Behavior modification comes when there is a change of heart, not a change of behavior.

Without a change of heart, destructive behavior will return.

Abstaining form evil is not the ultimate goal. Deliverance from evil is the real goal.

Abstinence is just holding on and maintaining even though the desires may still be present.
Deliverance is the true freedom that comes when we are changed from the inside out by the Lord.

The Christian counselor can be a powerful instrument of change, but he or she must know how God desires to work in the heart of the counselee.

Equipping the Saints to Counsel - Lesson 2

by Dr. Ray Self

The Christian Counselor

The Christian Counselor

The two primary commitments for every counselor are to believe in Jesus. . .

The Greek word for "believe" also means to "obey."
Faith is obedience.

. . . And to love one another - 1 John 3:23 - This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us.

Until we are fully motivated by love we cannot trust our intentions.
If we are not motivated by love we will be governed by a self-centered agenda.
Love is able to see the wrong and still find good.
Love can point out a weakness and still find strength.
Love is not offended by sin and still loves the sinner.
Love listens without judgment.
Love qualifies you to remove the splinter when the other person is ready and when you are invited.
Love says the best thing you can do for others is to pull the log out of your own eye first.
Love is a command, but it is also a gift. It is okay to ask God to anoint you with His love.

The attitude of the Christian counselor should be the attitude of a servant. Matthew 20:26-28 says, "It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

The counselor is not to fix, manipulate, control, or force an opinion.

The Christian counselor is not an enabler and not a savior.

The mature Christian counselor will speak and impart first the love of God and then the wisdom of God.

A counselor with wisdom and truth, but without love can fall into the trap of legalism.

Enforcing a set of rules does not cause change. Telling a person just to stop without teaching them about the power to overcome is futile.

2 Corinthians 3:6 - . . . who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Facilitating the power and love of the Holy Spirit to the counselee will affect a change.

God’s goal is not to change what we do but change who we are, which in turn will change what we do.

Trying to force a behavioral change will only be a short term solution at best.

God changes the heart which destroys the root of any life controlling issue.

Counseling behavior without searching for the root cause is like picking off the top half of a weed and expecting it never to grow back.

If a counselee is only trying to abstain from destructive behavior without a change of heart then success will only be temporary.

When a person is abstaining without a change of heart, then the desires probably have not changed.

When the desire for sin is still prevalent, abstinence is difficult and many times only temporary. This is why so many people continually fall back into the same sin. They have been abstaining but have not been delivered.

When God changes who a person is by changing his or her heart then the old person and old behaviors will give way to a new person and godly behaviors.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

We may think we are not new because of behavior problems.

Behavioral problems result from not understanding we are a new creation.

Behavior is only a symptom. A lack of knowledge concerning our new creation is the real problem!

2 Peter 1:3 - . . .seeing that his divine power hath granted unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that called us by his own glory and virtue;

Facilitating the love and power of God and using His wisdom is what makes a Christian counselor effective.

Equipping the Saints to Counsel - Lesson 1

by Dr. Ray Self

Introduction

Introduction

Prob. 1:28-31. Then will they call upon me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently, but they shall not find me: For that they hated knowledge, And did not choose the fear of Jehovah: They would none of my counsel; They despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, And be filled with their own devices.

Proverbs 8:14 Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength.

All true counsel comes from the Lord
A counsellor must first stand in the counsel of the Lord

Jeremiah 7:24 But they hearkened not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward, and not forward.
Jer. 23:21-22. I sent not these prophets, yet they ran: I spake not unto them, yet they prophesied. But if they had stood in my council, then had they caused my people to hear my words, and had turned them from their evil way, and from the evil of their doings.

The Lord will allow each individual’s fruit to grow according to what the person has planted and cultivated

The promise of Prob. 1:28-31 is “they shall eat the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices”

Jesus said we will know them by their fruit

We are not called to judge but we are called to be observers of fruit
Observation of the fruit of the counselee's light is the key to wisdom for counsel
The Lord will give supernatural insight into all counselling situations but the evidence of the counselee's life will speak volumes

The danger of passing on judgment in the disguise of wisdom is that a counsellor is setting themselves up to be judged (Mat. 7:1)

Judgment is assuming the truth about someone without really knowing the truth
Judgment pretends to know why someone acts the way they do and will quickly label that person accordingly (read Rom. 14:10,13)

When I assume why a person does what they do I have passed a judgment. That is like a doctor who makes a diagnosis without listening.
Our predetermined judgments of another person make it impossible to hear what is actually being communicated.

We can become more focused on proving our judgment than being open to the truth

This is a focus on our own need to be right
That is selfish!
Proverbs 18:13 If one gives answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Models Not Experts

The best way to help others is to help ourselves

We can develop our lives so we will always manifest the love and heart of God in every situation.

We should become models to follow rather than experts to fix people.

The message of the fixer

The message of the fixer is that you are flawed and unacceptable
You are not fully capable yourself so I must fix you
I am superior

When I seek to fix you I have rejected you.

When people feel we are trying to fix them they will feel controlled and rejected.
Do not impose your choices; help others to be empowered to make their own choices.
People should be inspired by you not controlled by you.

Many believe that teaching what is right is about showing the wrong.

False concept – if people know they are wrong they will automatically do what is right.

Being right does not qualify you to correct others. Being right created battles between other people who also believe they are right.

False concept- I am right therefore I am qualified to help you.

This concept created separation between the “right people” and the “wrong people.”

Our commitment is to model the love of God to others so they can have the real experience of His love for themselves.