Free - Dealing with Controlling People - Lesson 01
by Dr. Ray Self
Dealing with Controlling People and Relationship Issues
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Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
Every family has at least one. It's that one person who believes it is their right, privilege and duty to control other people to conform to their standards and wishes. You can spot them at every family function. They are the ones that are always wound tight. Their mission is to make everyone around them comply with what they think is best. Their weapons are varied. They include manipulation, fear tactics, guilt projection, nagging or whatever it takes. For those around them the effect is frustration and confusion.
What is the Issue?
The primary issue of who is in control has been around from the beginning of mankind.
Genesis 3:4-5 - The serpent said to the woman, "You surely will not die! "For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
The problem was that Eve was made in the image of God but that apparently was not enough for her.
She wanted not just to be an image but she wanted to be like God. She wanted to be in control.
Satan understood the trap of control and used that as bait to lure in mankind. Satan was attempting to destroy faith.
God desires our unwavering faith and trust with Him in control.
Man’s desire to be in control is in direct opposition to faith and trust.
Everything we have from God comes by faith and trust. To violate God’s laws of faith and trust by trying to be in control is very serious.
Hebrews 11:6 - And without faith it is impossible to please Him,
Romans 3:22 - even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; for there is no distinction;
Ephesians 2:8 - For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;
All of these scriptures point out that God is in control and we cannot earn His favor.
When a person takes control they are in direct competition with God. Competing with God is very foolish.
The person with the controlling spirit violates the law of God and opens the door for Satan to come in.
Satan and his demons are looking for an invitation to come to your party. Control is that invitation with no RSVP necessary.
The desire to be in control comes from our fallen flesh and can be traced back to the Garden of Eden.
When a person tries to be in control they may have a false feeling of security. They have their expectations and plans in place. They feel safe because they think that they have their life and the lives of those around them all wrapped up.
The problem for the controller is that it never works out as expected and the end result is frustration for them and for those around them.
The New Covenant with the Lord is a covenant of God being in control and it is a covenant of us being controlled by God’s Holy Spirit.
Jeremiah 31:33 - "But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days," declares the LORD, "I will put My law within them and on their heart I will write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people."
As children of God we are to be Holy Spirit directed.
Romans 8:14 - For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
The controller is controlled by their carnal nature.
The problem in dealing with a believer who is a controlling person is a problem of the old nature or flesh.
The Spirit led life is an out of control life. With the Spirit led life we trust the Lord to lead and direct not always knowing what to expect.
The flesh wants the false security of being in charge of all expectations.
God want us to have more that we can imagine. Ephesians 3:20- Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,
That involves being out of control with Him in control.
The problem of control is a very serious problem with very serious consequences.
We a person tries to be in control they are demonstrating their lack of faith.
The message of the controller is – "God - I do not need you because I know what is best for me and everyone else."
The controlling person is battling against God. No wonder they are so tired.
In the weeks to come we will look at our part in dealing with this issue.
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