Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution
Lesson 06
by Dr. Ray Self
The Christ Model for Reconciling an Offense
Click the play button to begin video lesson and follow along with the class notes below the video window. When you complete this video, click the "Lesson Assignment" button at the bottom of this page to open the lesson assignment.
Matthew 18:15 If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Practice Matthew 18:15 before you are tempted to spread the offense.
Before you practice Matthew 18:15, ask yourself:
Mat 18:16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.
Witnesses will clear any communication confusion. It is also an Old Testament legal way to establish facts.
The last resort - Mat 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
The church has a mission of reconciliation within the body of Christ. Therefore, offenses must be handled promptly and wisely. 2 Cor 5:18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,
Mat 18:18 -20 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."
The two or three witnesses in context here refers to Jesus's previous statement - "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you."
Jesus is telling the disciples that heaven will confirm their decisions when it is done by following His instructions.
The main goal - James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (KJV)
Tips to get over the offense:
- Take some time by yourself to think.
- Do a little self-evaluation. Why does it bother you so much? What is the reason behind your hurt?
- Ask yourself some questions. Is there any truth in what they said? What part of it is something you can change, and what part of it is their issue?
- Ask God for wisdom to help you understand yourself and the other person. Talk to a trusted friend or write out your thoughts and feelings.
- Decide to forgive the person. Forgiveness helps us to get rid of anger.
- Plan out the points you want to make before you talk to them. This will help you be more transparent and more focused in the discussion.
- Realize that you are only responsible for your words, thoughts, and actions. You are not responsible for the offending parties' words, thoughts or actions.
- Have compassion on the offender who may be trying to project their issues upon you.
Many offenses come because offenses are accepted. Thus, it is commonly known as taking offense.
It is possible to decide not to take on an offense.
Be aware of your trigger points.
Talk in confidence to a counselor before deciding to confront or let it go.
Always keep in mind – 1 John 4:20 If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.
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