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Conflict Resolution

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Resolving Conflict

Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Conflict handled in a mature, Godly way can be healthy for a relationship.

Conflict resolved in the right way can:

• Build respect
• Gain a deeper understanding of each other
• Find new solutions to old problems
• Reveal you heart
• Find forgiveness
• Bring healing to a relationship

Four common ways people react to conflict:

1. Fight to Win

Arguing to win is the "I win, you lose" or "I'm right, you're wrong" position. This person seeks to dominate the other person; personal relationships take second place to the need to triumph.

2. Withdraw

This person seeks to avoid discomfort at all costs, saying, "I'm uncomfortable, so I'll get out." This person sees no hope of resolving the conflict or lacks the strength to confront it. Many times, this person copes by using the dreaded "silent treatment."

3. Yield

This person assumes it is far better to go along with the other person's demands than risk a confrontation. "Rather than risk another argument, whatever you wish is fine." To this person, the need to feel safe is more important than resolving the problem.

4. Lovingly Resolve

This person wants to commit to resolving the conflict by carefully and sensitively discussing the issue. Resolving a conflict requires a unique attitude of humility, placing the relationship at a higher priority than the conflict itself.

With three of these styles, a person creates more problems. Fighting to win, withdrawing, or yielding may allow a person to escape the conflict at hand temporarily. Still, the person has not dealt with the emotions the argument sparked such, as hurt, resentment, or anger. Only when people seek to confront each other lovingly will the dispute be resolved.

Ephesians 4:32 – And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

When we are secure in our identity in Christ, then the desire to prove ourselves right will disappear. Jesus has already made us right, so we have no more need to self-validate.

2 Corinthians 5:21 - He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.


In summary, to resolve a conflict:

1. Communicate

Expressing how you feel about the situation and sticking to the facts will let the other person know your sincerity. In addition, focusing on the problem at hand and not what the other person did will avoid unnecessary conflict.

2. Actively Listen

Listen to what the other person has to say without interrupting. Try to be objective. Then, ask open-ended questions to make sure each side understands what the other person thinks and feels.

3. Review Options

Talk over the options, looking for solutions that benefit everyone. Do not feel pressured to come up with an answer immediately.

4. End With a Godly Resolution

The goal is to agree on an option that benefits both sides. As Christians, we should follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and fully realize – Isaiah 55:8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD."

Special thanks to firsttee.org

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