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Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution

Lesson 01

by Dr. Ray Self

The Importance of Speech

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The Importance of Speech

James 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

Speech is very significant in God's plan.

Speech is unique to man.

Genesis 2:7 – "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul."

God created man as a living soul, different from the animals that God created. Man can write and speak a language.

The first example of speech was when Adam began to name all of the animals.

Speech has the potential for good or evil.

Proverbs 20 21 – "From the fruit of his mouth a man is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits."

Speech can praise and glorify God.

Psalm 19:14 – "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

Psalm 34:1 – "I WILL bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth."

Speech can uplift, encourage and unite people.

Ephesians 4:15 – "Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ."

Ephesians 4:29 – "Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good f or edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear."

Speech can cause harm in the lives of others.

Proverbs 11:9 – "With his mouth the godless man would destroy his neighbor, but by knowledge the righteous are delivered."

Our ability to speak allows us to counsel one another.

Proverbs 11:14 – "Where there is no guidance, a people falls; but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."

Our ability to speak allows God to put words in our mouths.

Exodus 4:15-16 – "And thou shalt speak unto him, and put words in his mouth: and I will be with thy mouth, and with his mouth, and will teach you what ye shall do. He shall speak for you to the people; and he shall be a mouth for you, and you shall be to him as God."

Our ability to speak allows us to pray.

Acts 1:14 – "All these with one accord devoted themselves to prayer, together with the women, and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers."

Our speech is a reflection of our minds.

Proverbs 16:23 – "The mind of the wise makes his speech judicious, and adds persuasiveness to his lips."

Words can bring judgment.

Matthew 12:36-37 – "I tell you, on the day of judgment men will render account for every careless word they utter; for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

Speech affects the speaker. Proverbs 12:13 – "An evil man is ensnared by the transgression of his lips, but the righteous escapes from trouble."

God is concerned about our ability to communicate.

Effective communication is more than exchanging information. It is about creating an understanding of the emotions and intentions behind the statement.

Effective communication imparts information with the full intent of what is said.

Effective communicators make their hearts known. Insincerity is always annoying to the listener.

Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution

Lesson 02

by Dr. Ray Self

Listen and Make Your Self Known

Php 2:3 -4 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Every person is valuable to God.

Your thoughts and words are valuable and matter.

Other people's thoughts and words are essential and matter.

A good listener has two advantages.

He will gain knowledge from the speaker.
He will still have his knowledge.

A mature adult learns how to value his opinion and at the same time give value to other people's ideas.

You do not need to agree with someone to respect them.

Listening Well

The most effective communicators and well-liked people are great listeners.

Effective Listening

Make eye contact (if possible)
Lean in (if possible)
Focus on what is being said
Be curious
Limit interruptions
Ask clarifying questions
Process what is heard
Put yourself in their shoes
Repeat back
Be aware of filtering issues

Filtering is distorted hearing because of past experiences and trauma. Thus, what is said is twisted to conform to a previously held belief.

A Poor Listener Will:

Not hear what is said because they are busy formulating what they want to say
Pass judgment without knowing all of the facts
Interrupt before the speaker finishes
Seek to show the speaker that they are wrong
Not validate the speaker
Give no worth to the other's words
Act distracted

Keys to Effective Communication

Nonverbal skills – body language, eye contact
Excitement – if you are enthused about your subject, you will engage your audience.
Clarity – are you clearly expressing your main point?
Empathy – care about the feelings of the listener
Sincerity – be yourself. No acting or masks allowed
Appropriate tone – a soft tone is disarming; a harsh tone will cause the listener to be on the defense.
Humor –breaks the ice and causes your audience to relax
Humility – it is required if you want the Holy Spirit to help you
Timing – it really is everything
Understand your audience – age, maturity, experience, familiarity etc.

Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution

Lesson 04

by Dr. Ray Self

Effective Communication in Ministry - Part 2

Effective Communication in Ministry - Part 2

Communication in ministry involves teaching, preaching, counseling, spiritual gifts, and exhortation.

Each area of ministry requires a different form of communication.

Communicating Through Spiritual Gifts and Exhortation

Gifts such as words of knowledge, words of wisdom, and prophecy require assertive communication.

Communicating spiritual gifts requires boldness and faith.

Spiritual gift communication should be limited to what God has spoken or directed.

Adding to God's word is usually a work of the flesh and can cause harm. (Not the same thing as revelation)

Prophecy and Exhortation

Prophetic words and exhortations can become mixed and confusing.

To prophesy is to hear God and relay His message as precisely as possible to the recipient without explanation, coaching, or interpretation.

1 Cor 14:1 Pursue love, yet desire earnestly spiritual gifts, but especially that you may prophesy.

The prophetic gift in operation is hearing God speak or see a picture from the Lord and relay what you have seen and heard without addition.

The gift of exhortation is not typically supernatural.

Rom 12:6 Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; or he who exhorts, in his exhortation;

Exhort - To incite by words or advice; to animate or urge by arguments to a good deed or any laudable conduct or course of action. (KJV Dictionary)

Means of Exhortation:

Testimonies
Counseling
Comforting
Correction
Coaching

Exhortation and prophecy are both important gifts but should not be confused.

Speak with the authority of Christ.

Mark 1:22 They were amazed at His teaching; for He was teaching them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

Luke 4:32 and they were amazed at His teaching, for His message was with authority.

Jesus has bestowed His authority and confidence on us.

Acts 4:13 Now as they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus.

Speak with confidence and authority when communicating any spiritual gift or representing our Savior with the spoken word.

Faith in the finished work of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit creates in you a powerful voice for God.

Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution

Lesson 03

by Dr. Ray Self

Effective Communication in Ministry

Effective Communication in Ministry

Communication in ministry involves teaching, preaching, counseling, spiritual gifts, and exhortation.

Each area of ministry requires a different form of communication.

Teaching and Preaching

A teacher will explain the word of God.

A preacher will proclaim the word of God.

Effective teaching is much more than relaying information.

Effective teachers will impart information to their students. A good teacher will reach the heart, not just the mind.

An effective teacher observes their audience to determine if they are engaged and understand the message.

The teacher should use stories, examples, comparisons, and other creative ways, including humor, to make their point.

An effective teacher understands that time is critical. Too much information spoken too long will lose the audience every time.

Learning Styles

A teacher should understand that people learn in different ways.

Auditory learner – the student does best when hearing the information. Probably will not take many notes.

Visual learner – responds well to graphs, arrows, charts, diagrams, or meaningful symbols.

Reading/Writing learners – do best with hand-outs, PowerPoint slides, written assignments, or reading material.

Kinesthetic learners – do best with hands-on. They will thrive in a lab setting. They like to utilize touch. However, they can struggle in conventional classrooms.

Preaching

A good preacher is prepared but allows room for the Holy Spirit to speak.

A good preacher focuses on a central message he wants to impart.

An influential preacher seeks the Lord to determine what message the Lord wants for this particular audience.

Preaching Styles

Topical – preaches a topic such as forgiveness and uses scripture from various books of the Bible to support his claim.

Expository – the preacher chooses a passage and preaches it verse by verse.

Types and Shadows - the preacher uses a Bible story to symbolize the person or message he wants to present.

Textual - the preacher reads a text and pulls a single message from the text.

Romans 10:14 How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they believe in Him whom they have not heard? And how will they hear without a preacher?

Effective Communication & Conflict Resolution

Lesson 05

by Dr. Ray Self

Conflict Resolution

Resolving Conflict

Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Conflict handled in a mature, Godly way can be healthy for a relationship.

Conflict resolved in the right way can:

Build respect
Gain a deeper understanding of each other
Find new solutions to old problems
Reveal you heart
Find forgiveness
Bring healing to a relationship

Four common ways people react to conflict:

1. Fight to Win

Arguing to win is the "I win, you lose" or "I'm right, you're wrong" position. This person seeks to dominate the other person; personal relationships take second place to the need to triumph.

2. Withdraw

This person seeks to avoid discomfort at all costs, saying, "I'm uncomfortable, so I'll get out." This person sees no hope of resolving the conflict or lacks the strength to confront it. Many times, this person copes by using the dreaded "silent treatment."

3. Yield

This person assumes it is far better to go along with the other person's demands than risk a confrontation. "Rather than risk another argument, whatever you wish is fine." To this person, the need to feel safe is more important than resolving the problem.

4. Lovingly Resolve

This person wants to commit to resolving the conflict by carefully and sensitively discussing the issue. Resolving a conflict requires a unique attitude of humility, placing the relationship at a higher priority than the conflict itself.

With three of these styles, a person creates more problems. Fighting to win, withdrawing, or yielding may allow a person to escape the conflict at hand temporarily. Still, the person has not dealt with the emotions the argument sparked such, as hurt, resentment, or anger. Only when people seek to confront each other lovingly will the dispute be resolved.

Ephesians 4:32 – And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

When we are secure in our identity in Christ, then the desire to prove ourselves right will disappear. Jesus has already made us right, so we have no more need to self-validate.

2 Corinthians 5:21 - He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

In summary, to resolve a conflict:

1. Communicate

Expressing how you feel about the situation and sticking to the facts will let the other person know your sincerity. In addition, focusing on the problem at hand and not what the other person did will avoid unnecessary conflict.

2. Actively Listen

Listen to what the other person has to say without interrupting. Try to be objective. Then, ask open-ended questions to make sure each side understands what the other person thinks and feels.

3. Review Options

Talk over the options, looking for solutions that benefit everyone. Do not feel pressured to come up with an answer immediately.

4. End With a Godly Resolution

The goal is to agree on an option that benefits both sides. As Christians, we should follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and fully realize – Isaiah 55:8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD."

Special thanks to firsttee.org